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Feel Like Killing Your Kids? Watch This.

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You know the times when the overwhelm of modern life kicks in.  And Murphy’s Law kicks in.  But the Ritalin doesn’t.

The kids go off the walls, and you go bananas…

Then, the inner-perfectionist pipes up- “Be patient, take a deep breath, think happy thoughts.”  But taking a stupid breath never works.

Then, of course, another voice speaks up.  You know, the one who says, “If he’s acting like this now think what he’ll be like in 10 years?”

Panic flickers like wildfire.  What is a parent to do?

How Much Responsibility Should A Parent Take For Their Children’s Behavior?

Of course, not taking any responsibility for children, and being too permissive, is not really parenting. Overly permissive parenting leaves too much room for the child’s animalistic tendencies to rule.

However, parents who do accept responsibility for their children’s behavior and upbringing encounter another danger.  When a parent’s locus of responsibility grows too large, to the point of micro-managing or just to the point of generally oppressing the children (perhaps due to momentary panic or personal standards of what is comfortable for the parent) that can be no less detrimental.  Overly demanding parenting doesn’t allow for the child’s inner-human to develop.

In a sense, and at the root of it, overly demanding parenting is comparable to killing the child, not necessarily in the physical sense, but in the developmental sense.

The Torah’s Veiled Parenting Wisdom- The Wayward Son

The Torah’s law pertaining to the Wayward Son seems, on the surface to be, morally challenging to say the least.

If a man has a wayward and rebellious son, who does not obey his father or his mother, and they chasten him, and [he still] does not listen to them, his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place.  And they shall say to the elders of his city, “This son of ours is wayward and rebellious; he does not obey us; [he is] a glutton and a guzzler.”  And all the men of his city shall pelt him to death with stones, and he shall die.  (Deuteronomy 21)

(Video from 11213.org)

How could G-d tell parents to take their own son to court and charge him with the death penalty? I mean, of course the son described in Deuteronomy 21 is a brat, he’s gone way too far, his narcissism has already begun plaguing society at such a young age, but come on! Execution! Seriously? But that’s exactly what the Torah says.

And just as all the Orthodox Jews start cringing- because the Torah has yet again said something unfashionable- Rabbi Friedman flips the issue on it’s head. Turns out that if you look at the wayward son realistically… as in from the point of view of a stressed out, overworked, under-appreciated parent who gets no respite from society, and not only that, his/her son embarrasses them out of their brains… it starts making perfect sense.

If the Torah was an infomercial it would sound something like this…

“Having trouble with your son? Wanna kill that ungrateful little beast? Don’t get your hands dirty, you’re not allowed. Just bring him to court and we’ll execute him for you.”

The Talmud says that never before, and never will there ever be, a scenario where the Rabbinical court will execute a child for being wayward.  Could the Torah be bluffing?

Fellow parents. We’ve been had. It’s the old bait and switch. We can’t kill our kids, or have them killed, no matter how spasticly obnoxious they are.

The message to the overburdened parent is clear- you don’t own your child.

And at moments of tranquility, all parents can reflect on this very point. We don’t own our children, we don’t decide their fates.  Parenting is about facilitating, giving love, teaching boundaries, and passing on tradition- not forcing.

The post Feel Like Killing Your Kids? Watch This. appeared first on Red Cow Press.


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